The most frequently used tool

The tool we use most often—and the most dangerous if misused—is our thoughts. It almost doesn’t matter what others truly think of us; what matters more is what we think others think of us. And in the same way, it matters more how we think of others than what they are in reality. Our thoughts shape our world.

That’s why it’s so important to step outside of our own thoughts—to see the world as it actually is. For example, I used to believe that in a 1:1 with my manager (or with a direct report), spending time talking about my incredible past work would make the other person feel pleased. But that was only my thought. In reality, the other person may have wanted to discuss something else that mattered more to them. And because 1:1 time is usually short, they never got the chance.

This can leave the other person with a bad impression—not remembering your great achievements, but simply the feeling of not connecting. The worst part is that we may still believe they admire us for our past work, and so next time we fall into the same trap—talking only about ourselves. In short, we get tricked by our own thoughts.

That’s why it’s crucial to step outside of your thoughts, to see reality as it is—not the world constructed by your mind.